From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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