It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
