this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
