oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
