I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
