Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
