So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
