I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
