i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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