It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
