O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
