i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
