You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
