hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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