Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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