I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
