i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
