I smell stomach acid.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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