I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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