You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
