At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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