She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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