I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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