this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
