No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
