we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
