he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
