singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
