What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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