Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
