Can i not drive my cunt home
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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