No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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