it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
