fuck your aforementioned shoe
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
