I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
