You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
