I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
