I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
