i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
worst night to have a conscience
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
