is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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