Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
