I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
