What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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