Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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