i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
