I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
