my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
