i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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