mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
