i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The uberlube is also flammable
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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